Drunk fans

The Phillies win the World Series for the first time since 1980. This fan remembers when he won the "best climber" award in kindergarten in 1980. Another fan receives a new award: Most Accurately Thrown Vodka Bottle:

Thing you should avoid: Flying vodka bottles

Other thing you should avoid: Falling drunk acrobats

Like all fellow Phillies fans, I too want to climb the nearest lamp post, street sign, or traffic light to express my joy, but come on...

The Stock Market

"Hey can you tell the nut behind me to shut it! I'm trying to place an order for Dominos"

As if this wasn't totally obvious.

Things you should avoid: The Stock Market

So how are your stocks doing? Bad? Well it's time to trade in anything you have left before you lose all your life savings. Too Late? Yeah, well I apologize for not reaching out sooner.

Listen, we are headed for a recession and each and every day the newspapers remind us of how bad it can be. I'm sick of seeing the next day, front page in red, telling the world that we are facing certain doom. Sure it has rose a bit in the past few days, but with so many companies getting governmental bailouts, I'm surprised to see any money left in the stock market.

So get out while you still can and move to a country that uses teeth as currency, if you still got them...

Gray hair

Watch^

Daddy, it's time for an intervention....

Thing you should avoid: Gray hair.

If you get gray hair, your children will think less of you, evidently. Like the good consumers they are, they will spend their allowance to go out and buy you a box of Just For Men. Don't worry, though: Simply apply, wash and rinse, and they will love you again.

Now you can score that woman who was too shallow to go out with you when you had gray hair. While on the date, ensure that you have your cell phone with you so that you can snap a photo of you and your date. Now you can send your unsupervised daughters a picture so that they can see what their new mommy looks like. This will not freak your date out.

Perhaps if you didn't buy cell phones for your daughters at such an early age, they wouldn't be smart enough to confront you with an intervention about your hair.

Dieting...

True Love is blind...

Things you should avoid: Dieting.

The world's fattest man, Manuel Uribe, got hitched yesterday, showing the world that fat people need loving too. So I say a thing to avoid is dieting because becoming the worlds fattest man will not only find you your true love, but a decent one at that.

It's funny because they had to carry him around in his bed... you know the same bed he has not been able to leave for 6 years!!! While his wife-to-be walked the earth freely. I just want to know one thing... what's the honey moon like?